Personal Maxims

I have a number of personal maxims in life that I stick to (pun intended, see further) and hold by. I have evolved these principles over time to a point where they are now mantras that I trot out at the appropriate moment.

Those of you who have fallen victim to one of my "wisdoms of life" will know what I am talking about. Well, to delight my brother, as Groucho Marx once said, "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others." - here is one example:

You are sitting on your comfortable couch on a lazy afternoon. Golden sunlight is streaming through the curtained windows. The house is quiet and peaceful. You are completely absorbed in the latest thrilling Dan Brown novel. The story is gathering pace and the plot is about to reach a crescendo, you only have to turn that page. With uncontrollable enthusiasm you turn the page at high velocity, ripping it from the spine of the book [alternative ending: you turn the page only to realise that the author has led you into a frustrating anti-climax. In a momentary fit of rage, you hurl the offending novel at the wall and the pages rip as the book plunges to the floor, landing at an uncomfortable angle, somewhat remeniscent of the crumpled corpse of a suicide jumper at the bottom of the sky-scraper]. In my infinite wisdom (hiding behind a bookcase) I calmly suggest sticking the page back together with sticky tape. Why? Because [and here it comes] everything can be fixed with sticky tape (for an example of "everything" click here).

I have used sticky tape not only to repair books, but to (very unsuccessfully) stop leaking taps, repair telephone extension cables and to fix cars (actually, this last point is a bit of an exaggeration. I have a friend who used to drive a VW Kombi [you know who you are!] and there was a piece of sticky tape stuck to the dashboard. I was about to pry it off and he shouted, "STOP! If you remove that sticky tape, the whole car will fall apart!" Given the state of the car at the time, I didn't argue).

More: I fixed my daughter's wheelchair with sticky tape. I fixed a wall-hanging with sticky tape. I even fixed a sticky tape dispenser with sticky tape. I fixed furniture with sticky tape. I fixed bicycles with sticky tape. I even fixed my digital camera with sticky tape. Sticky tape - the most versatile invention to come out of the 20th century.

Anyway, I have other mantras and principles (covering such topics as coffee, shoelaces and beer, among others which I can't think of at the moment). What wisdoms have you developed, principles of life that you live by? I'm sure you have some.