Babies Don't Have Snooze Buttons

Getting out of bed can be difficult, especially after a late night and/or a very deep sleep. So, despite that the Greeks had already done so in 250 BCE, at around about the 14th Century, we invented the alarm clock and again in 1876. And just on time, too.

But then we had to go and ruin it all and invent the snooze button. Instead of waking you up, you quickly learn a new reflex action: the stretch and press. This gives you another nine minutes of sleep and is an action that you can repeat as many times as you like and thus get up really, really late.

The low-tech solution (aside from learning a bit of self-control) is to put the clock on the other side of the room so that you actually have to get up and walk over to the clock to turn it off. Theoretically, this should be enough to wake you up and get you started. However, personal experience says that this, too, becomes a reflex action. Crawling back into bed "just for another few minutes" is often the result.

So now we have a hi-tech solution: the Clocky. According to this write-up by the MIT Media Lab:

"When the alarm clock goes off and the snooze button is pressed, Clocky will fall off of the bedside table and wheel away, bumping mindlessly into objects on the floor until he eventually finds a spot to rest. Minutes later, when the alarm sounds again, the over-sleeper must get up out of bed and search for Clocky. Because you employ multiple senses to find the clock, you are sure to awake before disabling the alarm. Small wheels enable Clocky to move and reposition himself, and an internal computer helps him find a new hiding spot every day".

Frankly, this clock looks pretty darn scary - or like an Ewok from Star Wars. It's all hairy and has a tiny LCD display resembling beady little eyes. Then, when you snooze it, it jumps off the table and runs away, no doubt flailing its arms like an excited child chuckling to itself in an annoying high-pitched voice "You can't find me! You can't find me!"

Eventually, clocky will run out of new hiding spots and will just end up shivering in the middle of the room, trying to look invisible. Either you will trip over it and sprain your ankle (because you are not programmed to go "bumping mindlessly into objects on the floor" ); or, in your semi-concious state, you will see it on the floor, quaking in it's little hairy boots and you will kick it against the wall and go back to bed. That, or you will press the snooze button again so you can watch it run away again, only for you to follow it and press the snooze again until the little wheeled monster runs out of breath or batteries and just plain gives up. Then you can go back to sleep. So, frankly, I don't see how this contraption is going to work.

The only solution is to (somehow) get hold of a baby because a baby will cry until you pick it up, change its nappy and make it some breakfast. By that time you will certainly be wide awake. There is no alternative because, you know, babies don't have snooze buttons.