Those Bleeping Phones

There are those people who don't set a ringtone on their mobile phone. They just leave their phone on "vibrate". They are the best because you can be in the middle of a conversation and all of a sudden the other person whips out the phone and starts talking - magic! You didn't hear it ring - how could you? You were in mid-sentence and you wonder to yourself whether or not there really is someone on the other end of the phone, or if the guy is just trying to politely get rid of you. You never heard it ring, did you?

Do telephones ring anymore? I'm not sure you why we still insist on using the word "ring" to describe what a phone does when someone calls it. Nowadays if your ringtone is actually a digitised ringing sound, people say, "Aww. Isn't that quaint." My kids don't even know what a real ringing phone sounds like. Today, phones don't ring - they beep and squawk and play music. Even the good-old regular home phone doesn't ring anymore. It "bleeps".

My ringtone is one of the standard ones that comes with the phone. It's boppy-ish. A happy, energetic and jazzy type of tune. But you can install all sorts of ringtones on your phone. There are literally thousands of them on the internet ready to download. The thought has crossed my mind to install a funny ringtone on my mobile. It would be "cute" but it would also mean breaking my ringtone mobile phone rule: if you are standing in a quiet room full of people (like in shule during the week or a lecture) and someone calls, I have to ask myself - will I be more embarassed by the ringtone than I would be by the fact that I didn't set my phone to silent mode? This is similar to my answering machine rule: if someone important rings and the answering machine picks up, will you be happy for them to hear your "clever" message, or will it be embarassing?

That thought usually saves me.

The other day someone left his mobile phone in my office and it "rang." Given my diatribe above, I use the word "rang" loosely. Very loosely. In fact, the noise that emanated from the phone was so loud and vile, that you would have a hard time classifying it as music, which is what I think it was supposed to be. On the other hand, I know someone whose ringtone is a soft and melodious tune. I asked him why he chose such a placid ringtone and his answer was that it makes him feel like he doesn't need to answer the phone.

Here's one way to have an amusing ringtone and still comply with my ringtone rule: set the phone to ring at the same pitch as a dog-whistle. You'll never know when someone is trying to call, but it will be a very amusing private joke - until the dogs come for you.