Shtusim: for your entertainment

Friday, August 25, 2006

Challenge: How To Stop Them News Junkies

It would probably be an understatement to say that life in the Middle East is "exciting". It's a journalist's dream come true - always something to report. The news is rarely good, but there is always something to put in front of the newspaper editor.

Actually, when you come to think of it, the world is also a pretty "exciting" place to live in terms of news stories. I mean, not that we have a viable alternative at this stage, but you have to admit that there is always something newsworthy going on on this planet of ours.

We have become so used to having news available to us whenever we want it that news providers are constantly challenged to give us something to talk about around the proverbial water cooler. So it really comes as no surprise that conversations inevitably turn to the news - what's going on today.

I think that we have become a society of news-junkies.

And being a junkie of any sort is less than preferable.

So here is what we have to do. Next time a co-worker, acquaintance or even a complete stranger pipes up with, "Hey, did you hear about the...", put a stop to it immediately by interrupting with a completely silly sentence that has absolutely no connection with anything. Example:

Friend: Hey, did you hear about the-
You: -baking pies cures cancer. Especially if they are meat pies. But you really have to watch the amount of sauce you put into those pies. You really don't want to overload them with oil because then it clogs up your arteries so you may not die of cancer but you will probably get a heart attack before the age of 40 or soon thereafter.

That would put a stop to any conversation about politics, war, tsunamis or economic issues.

If you are in the mood and really want to go one level higher, try this: let your friend get to the first word of the subject of conversation and then you interrupt and speak for a minute about that word. Example:

Friend: Hey, did you hear about the doctor-
You: Doctors are very educated people. They spend a number of years in university studying how your body works. And you really want them to do a good job of studying how the body works because, frankly, I wouldn't send my car to a guy who doesn't even know how to open the hood, so why should I let some guy who came last in his class tinker with my innards? That's just plain stupid. He's got to be bright. But you know which doctors are really bright? Veterenarians. Yep, they have to know and understand the anatomy of hundreds of different animals. You really have to be a bright spark to know how to treat all different sorts of animals. But then again, I wouldn't want a veterenarian treating me. There are a few reasons for this: 1) The Vet's answer to almost any difficult injury or sickness is "time to go to sleep, kitty cat" and 2) what if the Vet has a lapse and fills me full of some medecine to treat the flu and then declares, "Oops. When I prescribed the medicine, I was thinking about elephants and not people". And in that case a simple "sorry" wouldn't cut it, would it.

There you have it - and no news.

Try out this new challenge and see how you go!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tried your first suggestion, Yossi, and people just looked at me - they just looked - I mean - did you ever have about 20 people just sop an look at you? Just look and stare and say nothing then slowly - very slowly like they were scared - turn away and continue with "Hey, did you hear about...?"

Yossi, I don't think I'll try solution two.

Thanks anyway.

Sunday, 27 August, 2006

 

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